


Where You Will Go I Will Go

by LaDonnaErrante



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Appendix to ROTK, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 16:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/664205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaDonnaErrante/pseuds/LaDonnaErrante
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legolas and Gimli prepare to depart Middle Earth but Legolas hesitates.  It's not the gender of Legolas' lover that he's reluctant to tell his family about; it's the species.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where You Will Go I Will Go

**Author's Note:**

> Written for QueerFest 2011 at LJ.

The wood feels smooth under my hand as I examine the boat. The strong trees gave up one life, and now begin anew in this form. I have spent many months carving its shape from the wood, giving this vessel my keenest attention. It is fitting that I should bring some of Mirkwood with me on my final journey. I have seen so much in this world—watched tyrants rise and fall, peace come and go and come again. I have fought many battles, lost many of my comrades. These last 120 years I have been blessed to see Middle-Earth blossom into the age of men. I should have felt lonely, I suppose, my kindred gone to the undying lands. But while my companions were with me, I saw no reason to move on.

I have watched them growing old, seen them leave this life. And I know that I must too. The boat came to me in a vision, the night that Aragorn took sick, her long, curved lines, the dragon's head at the bow, her silver trimmings glinting in the morning sun. It was then, I knew, there would be no place for me in these lands once the mighty King was gone. Valinor is waiting for me, the song of my kinsmen calls. There is one last tie to Middle Earth remaining, one bond which I cannot bear to sever. Though he has only become shorter and more cantankerous, his love has only grown truer.

In truth I know I cannot leave these shores so long as Gimli remains tied to Middle Earth. These long years I have much preferred to spend my days exploring the Glittering Caves with him, than join my people. Those of my kind who remained thought our friendship repulsive, though it was tolerated because of our role in the destruction of the ring and the defeat of Mordor. There are rumors of course, suggesting why exactly it is Gimli and I have spent so much of our long lives travelling together. All of which are true, by the way.

Many times, I have thought I would give up my immortal life and spend the rest of my days in Middle Earth with Gimli. Yet he has not allowed me to do so. He is after all, entitled to end his days in Valinor. I told him I did not wish to spend eternity without him, in the land of my people. And though he pretended to believe me, I know he did not. He was right not to, for I am afraid. Not only of ages spent alone and without adventure or love, but of how he will be treated by the elves, how _we_ will be treated by the elves.

It will be no simple task to explain my love for Gimli to my kin. They have accepted that he is a hero and upon their leaving Middle Earth it was understood that the fellowship was bonded by brotherly love. But physical love between elfkind and dwarfkind is unheard of. The elvenfolk rejoice in many pleasures, but the lure of one who is sturdy and pock-marked, whose body bears the beautiful scars of pain and labor is unknown to them. In Gimli, they see valor clothed in ugliness and brute force.

They would be more accepting of me had I been one of those for whom physical love is unappealing. It is more than just the longstanding political rivalry between our two peoples that is a barrier to our love. There is a perceived physical impossibility of our relationship. I do not understand why it is that an elf should not find a bearded creature comely, or be unable to make love with one as stocky strong and earthy as my Gimli. Those of my kind who have guessed at our relationship and been bold enough to tease have marveled that I have survived the sex act with the dwarf. They imagine only violence and greed not love. This perception of theirs has always seemed queer to me, for it is their aloofness that makes elfkind abhorrent to my body and Gimli's earthiness is all that I crave. I know not whether they cannot understand our love or whether they choose not to. I suppose it matters not, for either way it is Gimli that I have always and will always love.

My hesitation to continue to Valinor can be thus explained: I lack the courage to face an eternity without him, an eternity in the company of those who will spurn me. In my life I have acted with both bravery and cowardice. Rest assured, were it not for Gimli's insistence I would still be refusing to act.

One summer night, months ago, the dream of the ship came to me and to Gimli also. It wafted in on the comforting breeze as firefly lights blinked on and off. We were camped in the forest, I lay nestled in Gimli's soft chest hair as we slept and dreamt as one. The moon was at its highest, illumining the forest floor when we awoke from the vision. As I recounted what I had seen, the look in Gimli's eyes changed from surprise to sober

"You know what it means?" He asked it as a question, but with a confidence that told me he knew the answer.

I nodded, hesitantly. "I must go, though it pains me to even think about"

"We must go. Wooden boat—your superb craftsmanship no doubt. And the silver trimmings seemed the best a dwarf could fashion."

"I cannot face forever without you."

"Whether you choose to or not, my friend, it seems that would be your fate."

"Is there nothing else left for me?"

"Aragorn's health is failing; all the others have sailed away or passed on. We are all we have left. Let me ask you something, dear friend. Do you really want to spend what little time we have before this old dwarf runs out of rock to dig, living here, witness to the pain of a dying dwarf, knowing your final journey will be made alone?

I sighed. Tears began to roll down my cheeks.

"Sooner or later you will have to make the journey, lift up the truth of our lives to your kinsmen."

A rough hand found its way to my shaking shoulders. "I've told you before Laddie. Where you go, I will go."

And so it was decided. We passed what remained of the night awake in vigil to our decision, to my finally being ready to accept the risk of speaking my truth. In the morning, I walked out into the forest and the trees I loved best volunteered to be hewn into our vessel.

I have worked and waited, and by the time Aragorn's son succeeded him we were ready to make way. I stand here now, at the dock between sea and land, waiting for him. The last bond will be kept unbroken. There is a clanking of armor, before his face comes into view. "Gimli, my friend, you will have no need of your axe in the undying lands." He grumbles, I do not expect him to disarm. Instead I wrap my arms around his broad, stooping shoulders. We laugh. "Come on then" he says, slapping me roughly on the back, "off we go."

Together we step into the boat and push off.


End file.
